Sebastian Michaelis's User Guide
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: Ok, ok, I know how everyone's been requesting this one: the long awaited, SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS unit! Since we know this model is going to be sold out in a matter of minutes...free shipping and a 10% discount is given to those that review!


OMG I totally adore you people, with your very supportive comments xD Special thanks to The Color Clear and Sonata for following me, you two get a discount on all units by 25%! As requested by Bibbiesparks, AniMEfanGirl101, and t.k.-stars, the much awaited SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS's User Guide!

Owner's Guide and Manual: Sebastian Michaelis

Soooo...are you excited? Ready to bounce off the wall in epic fangirlness? Ladies...and gentlemen (cough, GRELL, cough) I present to you: SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS!

Your oh-so-smexy demon butler comes with the following:

1) Black tailcoat

2) Black trousers (2)

3) Ties (3)

4) Black vest (2)

5) White pleated shirt (2)

6) Gloves (3 pairs)

7) Black Top Hat

8) Tutor's glasses (OMFG MAJOR EPIC NOSEBLEED, I WANNA GET MY TEACHER FIRED AND HAVE SEBBY-CHAN REPLACE HIM, I WOULD** LOVE** SCHOOL AFTER THAT..like, totally xD sorry about that, you know those random fangirl spaz attacks)

9) Boots and shoes

10) Signature handmade silverware (provided by Phantom Funware company; orders for replacements are supplied)

Dear fans, I must repeat myself time and time again; WE ARE _**NOT**_ RESPONSIBLE FOR _**ANY**_ PHYSICAL OR MENTAL DAMAGE _**WHATSOEVER**_. Your fate has been sealed by buying this unit! Fortunately for you it's not a creepy little blond boy who enjoys gouging out his maid's eye...poor Hannah.

To remove your Sebastian unit:

1) Get a Grell unit. (Warning; if you are a diehard Grell fan you may be horrified at the way Sebastian springs out of the box to beat him up. Unless if you're into S&M relationships. Then it's perfectly fine.)

2) Have a Ciel unit summon him. If this works NORMALLY, your Sebastian Michaelis unit will come out and act a little pissed off that there's no one to beat up and his master just summoned him...from two feet away. However, due to a major glitch in the unit's programming, there is the off chance that your Sebastian will pop out of the box in YAOI mode. If that happens get a Grell unit to distract him and save your Ciel unit from being immediately violated.

3) Ok fans, if you REALLY want to see something weird, funny, and absolutely out of the world OOC, get a William T. Spears unit, an Undertaker unit, and put on Justin Bieber's Baby. Then reprogram William to Crazy Pull-Off Your Tie and Let's Have Office Sex mode (cheat code supplied). The two units will start dancing (meaning you have unlocked the UBER SECRET CRACK mode). Sebastian will burst out of the box in Demon mode, with those extremely sexy high heeled boots, and start poledancing.

No joke. Apparently our CEO was so high one night when she was making the units, she included this weird scenario in the units' programming. But it's totally worth videotaping and auctioning off on Ebay. The money you'd get from that would be able to fund my college tuition.

This delightful unit comes with several modes:

1) Normal: Unlike other units, the Sebastian unit is relatively normal in our standards when in this mode. He will quietly and diligently help you with anything you need...so that basically means you have two choices: read Fanfiction while he does your chores, or flirt outrageously with him. I actually think choice number two may amuse him.

2) Epic Butler: Activated when there is a Claude Unit in the vicinity. Everything in your house will become extremely clean and sparkly. Like, Edward Cullen sparkly. And he will become very possessive of you. (Which definitely, in under no circumstances, is NOT a bad thing. xD)

3) Smexy: Really now, do I HAVE to explain this?

4) Demonic HOT Butler: Yeah...this equals destruction and chaos...IN STYLE. High-heeled boots? Glowing red eyes that sear your heart? That low seductive voice-oh shit, I think you people need a blood transfusion, someone call an ambulance before my readers die of BLOOD LOSS! NOOOO!

5) Yaoi: Grell X Sebastian, William X Sebastian, Ciel X Sebastian, Undertaker X Sebastian...

6) Solemn: An unhappy Sebastian equals an unhappy fangirl. Fortunately for you, this mode is very hard to unlock. Just make sure you keep all Season Two with A Delusional Blonde upgraded Ciel units from him.

He's not just a butler, ladies. He's a SEXY butler who can do MANY things.

1) Butler: He'll hang around your house and do everything for you. I dunno what you fangirls mean by everything..don't ask me to define the word.

2) Tutor: Besides being an excellent and creditable history source, this demon has picked up many "talents" ranging from playing the violin to nun-banging. Want a private lesson?

3) Bodyguard: Besides being a GREAT attractive accessory to walking down Madison Avenue with style, Sebastian somehow manages to pull off the menacing/hot look without needing steroids and a shiny bald head. Thugs, move aside. There's a new guy on the block and he'll kick your ass back to your mom while STILL looking good.

4) Undertaker Tickler: Yep. Undertaker is ticklish.

Food:

While he can eat human food, it's not nourishing to him. Fortunately for you, he doesn't have to eat until another century or so.

Cleaning:

He can clean himself, thank you very much.

Questions and Answers:

Q: Umm...I think my mom is in love with him.

A: That's normal.

Q: He won't let go of my cat.

A: Oh for god's sake, I DO hope you're talking about the animal. If that's the case, just leave them alone. He'll snap back to Butler mode sooner or later. And if you're NOT talking about the animal...then I can 't help you.

Q: He went off with Grell to Ru Paul's show.

A: Well...that's interesting. I wonder what's going to happen when he comes back.

Oh wait. OH SHIT. HOLY SHIT. (runs off to find the CEO) THAT'S A MAJOR GLITCH THAT WILL CAUSE ABSOLUTE NUCLEAR DESTRUCTION! WE NEED TO RECALL YOUR UNIT NOW!

Lesson learned: Don't let Sebastian come home wearing a black leather miniskirt and fishnets along with a red-laced corset. It will cause all units around the world to malfunction simultaneously.


End file.
